How To Love
by thegirlwhowondered
Summary: Otonashi has made a fatal mistake. He's fallen in love. A dream come true in the land of the living, perhaps. But now he has to work out how to love in the afterlife without getting obliterated. Hinashi! (Because they're perfect :3) Some swearing, hence the rating. No flames. R&R, thank you :D Cover image credit to owner.


_My name is Yuzuru Otonashi. I am, to put it bluntly, dead. I had two things to live for when I was alive and they were both pulled out from underneath me. I now exist in an afterlife created for young people who were not able to enjoy their lives. I fight alongside the Whatever-The-Hell-Our-Name-Is-This-Week Battlefront, a group of rebels dedicated to finding the almighty God if he actually exists and demanding explanations for our horrific lives. _

_And I have made the biggest mistake I could possibly make in this world. One that could get me obliterated._

_I fell in love._

* * *

In spite of all his flirting, his affectionate nature, his ability to turn everything dirty, there was one thing that Hinata always insisted he was not: gay. He could take a stab from Yurippe, whenever she called him stupid or a moron, or anything along those lines, but whenever he was accused of being homosexual, he would always get on his high-horse and deny it – with great fervour, might I add. It's quite amusing.

And yet, I never did find it as funny as everyone else

Something about the phrase always stung. _I'm not gay_. I stopped trying to lie to myself about how I feel about Hinata long ago. That isn't the problem. The problem is that I can't admit it. It kills me inside a little more every time I look at him and know I can never say what I'm thinking. Because doing that could destroy us both.

_Damnit_.

"Otonashi?"

I snap out of my ridiculous reverie to find the all-too-perfect face of Hinata himself inches away from mine, his eyes wide with concern. I jump back a few feet in surprise, which only makes him grin.

"Geez man, I've been trying to get your attention for the past five minutes. Must've been some fantasy you were having. But if you want to take my clothes off, all you gotta do is ask."

For every gay joke, Hinata can certainly give as good as he gets.

I shake my head vigorously, to the point where I become dizzy. "I wasn't fantasizing!"

The laugh that comes from Hinata makes it obvious that he was just kidding, and I begin to feel embarrassed for falling right into his trap.

"Hey, it's alright. I won't tell." With a wink, he straightens up and yanks me off of my seat. I come willingly with a roll of my eyes.

"Where are we going anyway?"

Hinata's grin grows impossibly more mischievous. I can't decide if it's sexy or scary, and honestly…I'm not sure that I want to.

"I found a little something I think you might enjoy sharing with me."

That sentence piques my interest more than it should.

* * *

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

Hinata slams the bottle down on his desk and beams. "Aw come on, lighten up! Have a little fun once in a while, hey?"

I begin to wonder if perhaps he's already had some. "Fun is a dangerous thing here," I point out. "Besides, if Yuri finds out we've been drinking, she'll kill us! Painfully! And probably repeatedly!"

Hinata chuckles at my worry. "Just a little bit. As long as we keep in mind the reason we're here and haven't been reincarnated into barnacles, I see no reason why we wouldn't be just fiiine."

The puppy dog eyes he is giving me prove too much, and I agree to drinking just a tiny bit. Half an hour and three quarters of the bottle later, we're lying on his bedroom floor, laughing until neither of us can breathe. My feet are facing one way, his are facing another, and our heads are side by side.

At some point, Hinata reaches over and runs the fingers on his left hand through my hair.

"I'm a lil' jealous," he admits, his words running into one another. "You have gorgeous hair."

I laugh, leaning into that gentle touch of his. "Are you really, really sure you're not gay?"

Hinata groans loudly, pulling his hand away, much to my disdain. "I'm not gay," he insists for the millionth time.

"Oh, sure," I tease with a knowing smirk. "Don't worry mate, I won't tell."

He recognises that I've just thrown his own words back at him and sulks. "I'll have you know, 'Tinashi, I am about as gay as you are."

I know it shouldn't, but the comment makes me blush. Naturally, he notices, even in his addled state.

"Dude, look at you. You're blushing." He reaches over once again, this time to touch my cheek.

"I am not!" I bat his hand away, but Hinata is insistent.

"Yes, you are!" Hinata shifts so he's facing me properly and our eyes are level. I am very uncomfortable with this position. Or rather, I'm uncomfortable that I'm perfectly comfortable with it. "You know what I think?" he whispers, watching as I try to squirm away, perfectly aware that I have nowhere to go in such a cramped space. "I think that you're the one secretly in the closet."

"What? That's ridiculous!" I scoff, trying to look less petrified than I feel. But my alcohol-addled state made that impossible. "I'm not gay, I'm perfectly straight. I like women, and-"

Hinata never learns what was meant to come after the 'and' because he silences me in the very best way: by pressing his lips against mine. All discernible thought leaves my head. My alcoholically-stunted brain forgets all the reasons as to why this is a bad idea. I forget about everything else in the world – this world, the other world, every world – everything, that is, except Hinata. He's all that matters to me now. That, and kissing those lips that have for so long been tempting me.

When Hinata pulls away, he is grinning triumphantly, and I am trying to stutter out some half-assed excuse.

Hinata rolls onto his back and looks up at the roof, seeming happy enough to wait until it finally dawns on me that there is no way out of this. Even if I was in a more eloquent state, I couldn't possibly deny that I enjoyed that. A lot.

I do eventually fall silent. Never for a second did I expect this evening to take a turn like this. And yet, here we are. I feel a little dazed, but in a good way…happier than I have been since showing up in this crazy world. So why aren't I disappearing? And-hey!

"Did you plan this?" I demand, reaching over and punching Hinata in the arm. Normally violence isn't my first reaction to anything, but he deserves that much, I decide.

"Ow, hey." Hinata rubs his arm and laughs; a sound that, like every other time since I first heard it, sends a shiver up my spine that is much too pleasant. "I might have done," he admits eventually. "But don't tell me you aren't happy about it."

He's got me there. I probably would have just kept my mouth shut until the end of time, or until I got obliterated, whichever came first. But not my Hinata, that's never been his style. Not as long as I've known him. He's always acted on impulse and heart. Like that time in the guild where he literally dove on top of me and pushed me out of the way of a massive boulder, and then protected me with his own body. It was dumb and reckless, but I would have been a goner without him there.

I want to cling onto Hinata, and never let go. But I'm so scared. I don't want to lose him.

"Hey, Hinata?" I roll onto my side and place my head on his chest, as one of my hands seeks out his.

He gives a gentle squeeze and responds with a faint "Mmph?" He's starting to get sleepy. Come to think of it, so am I. The bed's right there beside us, but neither Hinata nor I can seem to summon the inclination to move.

"Don't disappear, alright?"

Hinata senses the trace of fear in my voice and places a gentle kiss on the top of my head. He then lets out a reassuring chuckle and teases, "You sound really gay right now, man."

"I'm only as gay as you are," I shoot back, earning another more genuine laugh from Hinata.

"Maybe that's not such a bad thing," he points out eventually.

No, maybe it isn't. And maybe we've found a way to love in this world after all.

"_As long as we keep in mind the reason we're here and haven't been reincarnated into barnacles, I see no reason why we wouldn't be just fiiine."_

I place a gentle kiss on the tip of Hinata's nose and smile, snuggling back up against his chest. There will be a lot to answer for when we show up at headquarters tomorrow, but as long as I can remember how much I hated my life, maybe it's really ok to admit to how much I love Hinata.


End file.
